Today is the day – I finally reach the age, that I announce for two years with conviction as mine. This must be a particularly good year for me, if I have already given Freudsian dysfunctional information for so long – I must have been yearning for it, without knowing why.
Since the last year was a (mildly understated) not very good one, I now hear from all sides, that this will be my year. Good will come. God will release much this year. This year will be a blast year. – I am pleased with these promises, because I know that the people who say and write these wishes to me, have felt with me, and that they wish that now comes the great compensation, reparation and the best of all. And maybe everything that has been made makes sense. There are also many friends, whom I wish exactly the same, because they have a hard time behind them.
Oh – and that’s what I wish for myself, of course! Of course, doubts and critical thoughts are added. Lots.
The birthday definitely started very well. My youngest son, 8 years of life – but felt at least 82, if you count emotional and empathically, made sure that I, at 6:20 in the morning and still tired, was feeling very birthdaylike. Nothing escapes his gaze – I was completely in his focus – and was well looked after – until the morning rush broke out, and the children were off to school. Then a wonderful dog walk for two (which, for reasons of efficiency rarely occurs) by the Flensburger Volkspark, which just realized that it is spring and the trees are allowed to bloom. And then a breakfast in the city with the spouse and the colleague, who is one and the same person. Sunburn included – I love that! Tonight I expect 25 friends to celebrate (and that outside – the weather is really almost as it used to be back then ….) And „Green Tomatoes“ on big screen – Yes - I’m in nostalgia mood.
And many, many congratulations: emails, sms, FB messages and letters. Calls only a few. Anyone who knows me, knows that I do not appreciate phone calls so much. After the sun has hit my head long enough, I am sitting in the cool bedroom, reading all my good wishes. Just those who promise me very, very wonderful events for the coming year.
On my birthday two years ago, I was sitting on a bench in the sun – behind me a great playground, in front of me the sailport. I prayed for a person, whom I cared for and whose life was constantly in danger. I asked, if we as a family should receive this person, so that they would not endure terrible things and possibly die. Since I am not the type of communitary living, and this step also meant danger for me and my family, I was very torn, what to do. Jesus showed me a picture, a vision of what he has on his mind for the future. Something that goes far beyond this person. And he encouraged me to be faithful on a small scale, in the now, and take the step. So this young woman lived with us for 5 months. Exhausting, but fascinating months. Months of lack of sleep, because at night flashbacks and fears were to be expelled – and we had to fight a lot spiritually. Months of uncertainty, about what would happen. Full of tension, even as far as our own safety was concerned. Months full of learning – about trauma and criminal organizations. About what is there, but what is hidden. About prayer and prayer warfare – we pray completely different since then. Months full of setbacks, but also full of miracles, nobody would believe us, if we told them. Meanwhile, the young woman has become a dear friend. he lives at another place, in (relative) security now- And she loves Jesus. We talk on the phone (haha, miracles happen), we write daily, and we can meet every now and then. We often pray and fight on the phone – and not just me for her – she, too, for me.
After her time here, came the „Year of Dread.“ I think about these circumstances a lot.
And then, there people came, who had that image and the vision, that I had on the bench in Denmark back then. They did not know anything about my picture. A woman had a dream about it. One woman has been moving that vision since 2011. Others came up with different puzzle pieces – and no one knew about each other. But everything has been going on for some time now – and we’re starting to dream. And to dare to consider this vision possible. In the last week it has become quite concrete – and despite doubting hearts, we are increasingly beginning to believe in it.
A year in which a lot will happen. Switches are made. Will the vision become tangible? Will it be, as we saw and heard? Will it begin now? Or will it take longer? (As a theologian, I think in terms of time of biblical prophecies … well, hmmm). Is the 46 (and not the 42) really that number in my life?
I’m curious. I believe. I doubt. I hear the inner critic, and I criticize him. I dare to believe, to see. To love. To be challenged (the vision is not only pleasant …).
We’ll see, what will happen – but now, let’s go celebrate!